So the daughter that I mentioned in my last post- you know the one causing all my gray hairs at the moment- well she's still battin' a thousand here. The other day I had just had a day of it with her. I dealt with it until J got home and promptly reported it to him. He had one of his Father/ daughter talks with her warning her she needed to be a good girl for me during the day but then she acted up again before dinner. I don't remember what she did at this point- there's just been so many things lately. Anyhow J sent her from the table and had her go up to her room. He was having her go to bed with no supper.
Ok, I was a kid in the 80's so still on the tail end of old fashioned punishments like that. I get it. However, as the mama now, I never anticipated how hard it would be to step back and let him lead in a situation like this. All I knew at that point was that I had a baby who was crying up the stairs and not being fed. All the latest news reports of horrible monsters who abuse their children flashed through my brain and I argued with J that she needed to have her dinner. He stood his ground and I reared up and stood mine. It ended with me giving my daughter dinner and myself knowing that I was now next in line to be punished. I watched as my little girl sat there eating happy as a clam, totally putting on a show that appeared to be a nose rub in her fathers direction. It was then that I got it- I understood. I was causing her to learn not to follow her fathers lead or respect his decisions.
It wasn't long before she gave us another issue a bit later as I cleaned the kitchen and J told me when we met down in the dungeon that she had been acting disrespectfully towards him while he was preparing her for bed. I took the spanking I deserved and handed J my phone. I'm usually sent to bed after a spanking without my devices.
"Think about this while you're up there. Don't just go to sleep. I want you to really think about this."
I promised I would and we hugged and kissed. And as I promised to I thought about it all as I laid in bed listening to the baby stirring softly in her sleep in her crib.
The very next day I had got the kids ready and prepared to take them on an outing to the library. School is out here and so we've begun having summer outings on the weekdays. Everything went very well for most of the trip. The kids picked out their new books before playing in the rec room and using the computers, my oldest daughter got her reward for filling out her first summer reading ticket, and I sat supervising all of them while giving the baby her snack and filling out a form to update all of their library cards.
I said what any mother would say trying to calm her, appease her, anything short of giving in to her. I resorted to my threatening voice and warned her under my breath that I would pull out the camera on my phone so daddy could see how she was acting with me. In the end the tantrum did not stop but turned into screaming over my now refusing to get her a library card of her own because she was proving that she was clearly not ready for one. The woman working with my other children at the desk was clearly annoyed by the whole thing- not that I blame her.
Well Daddy got the grim news report by text so he was well aware of the goings on of our day by the time he came home.
"I'm sorry," he texted, "But I really think no dinner is in order tonight."
I did not respond but asked him when he got home to please not take her dinner and send her to bed. I had already dealt with the issue because I had had to. However, he felt personal responsibility to take matters into his own hands as she is his child. He tried to talk with her about the incident to which she put up a fuss with him and he dropped the verdict- no dinner.
I made her a plate anyway- how could I not?
When he said something I just shrugged- " Oh well I already made her a plate."
But he put his foot down and - well, I told him what for- again...
He looked at me in amazement. "You are doing this AGAIN!"
"Fine if you won't let her eat," I snatched her up, "Then I'm not eating either." I took her in the living room and sat with her on the couch waiting for him to come to his senses. It didn't happen. He simply tucked in and started eating his dinner with all of our well- behaved children.
I waited and waited until I realized he wasn't gonna bend and then stormed into the kitchen and gave him some more of my mind. I criticized him like an expert. How could you sit there and eat while your wife and daughter were starving. He proceeded to tell me that the girl was not going to starve by missing one meal- lord knows she eats enough snacks all day long- and I had not had to give up my dinner- that was my choice! He told me in code that yep I was in for it again to which I just shrugged and grabbed my own plate, joining my daughter.
Later that night when the kids were tucked into bed, J came down and gave me a good lecture. He was not going to spank me again for this but he ordered me to hand over my devices. While that was it for me. I had been waiting all day to get on my laptop and get some work done. I had completed all my tasks and made it through outings and feeding, diaper changes, and nap schedules, tantrums and kid fights, there was no way I was losing what little time I finally had for myself - the time I planned to get my own shit done- and give him my devices. Not happening buddy. I was not in a good head space at all!
"Alright," he said, " Either you give me your devices or no date night tomorrow night."
I looked at him. "I want my devices."
"All right," he said. "I can see your projects are more important to you."
Ouch- not true. But I had been trying so hard to build momentum with my projects that it frustrated me to no end to think of not being able to get to it.
He went down to his man cave and I logged on to my laptop and began my work. Upon finishing it felt so good- I sat back and sighed in accomplishment- then I thought of J.
I went down to where he sat reading and he looked up sadly, put his book down and opened his arms to me. I curled into him.
"I don't want to lose our date night, " I said feeling all of the pathetic of a little girl.
He cuddled me and we talked. I can't recall everything that was said. It always amazes me how other bloggers can remember and incorporate whole dialogues into their blog posts.
Anyhow our talk ended with J saying... "If you can behave for 24 hours we will still have our date night. And if (the kid) can behave for 24 hours I'll give her back her kitty."
The Story of The Stuffed Kitty
It was a few weeks ago now that this took place... J had felt bad because recently nearly every encounter with our middle daughter had been one of correcting her behavior in some way. It seemed she was always into some kind of trouble and J is the one who deals with all that - unless he's working which he often is and then I deal with it in the moment and report to him later on.
Anyhow he had been in the store with the kids about a week before and they were picking out toys to purchase with some birthday money they had been gifted. Well our middle daughter, like any kid has eyes bigger than her head. She wanted everything! She finally decided on a particular toy- some Doc Mcstuffins kitty with cat carrier but she also really liked this generic type Beanie Boo that was large- almost half her size. J explained to her that she didn't have enough to buy both and so she settled on the other toy.
Well, J had been thinking about how much he'd had to discipline her lately and one night while he was at the store late after the rest of us had gone to bed he thought, oh what the heck, and he went over to the toy section and grabbed that kitty.
Later that night I woke up to some kind of a noise that I couldn't detect so I got up and went to check on the kids. When I got to the bathroom, the light was on and when I peered in there was my pint sized little girl on the potty. What I didn't notice was the large plush stuffed kitty on the floor beside her with the tag hanging out of it's ear - until she finished washing her hands and bent down to pick it up.
"Where did you get that?" I asked her.
"Daddy put it in my bed last night. It was there when I woke up." Funny how she knew her Daddy did it.
"Oh, that was very sweet," I said to her and tucked her back into bed.
After I got back into bed I peered at J through the darkness.
"J...J.... why did you get (the kid) that stuffed kitty? I whispered. "She's been giving me hell all week. She going to be worse than ever now."
He explained to me why and I just swooned.
"I didn't want every encounter with her to be unpleasant. I want her to know I love her. "
What a good Daddy he is! Anyhow, after the behaviors picked up again he had taken her kitty away until her behavior improved. I think the message was loud and clear. He loves her, he wants to give her good things, but if she's going to take that for granted then those things can be taken away.
I hope you all don't mind me talking so much about what's going on with our daughter. Lately it just really opens my eyes to the man that J is. He's a man that demands respect, he is strict but he is loving. His heart desires to give good things and pamper the one's he loves. I love that man!