Good Morning and Happy Sunday! I hope all are doing well.
It's been a busy weekend here! As usual Saturday was full of running around and getting errands and shopping done. Today we have a birthday party for our oldest child to prepare for. The kids are at the park and I have a sleeping baby and a birthday cake in the oven.
As hectic as things have been lately with all I have to do, I am trying to slow down and notice all the blessings around me. My older kids sitting and playing checkers together, my preschooler chatting my ear off about all her favorite foods at breakfast, kisses on the nose and hugs from all of them, love notes from my oldest girl about how I'm the best mom in the world, baby cuddles and coos and the sweet smell of an infant when I pick her up in the morning, innocence. They won't always be this small and its a struggle sometimes to embrace mommy hood all over again with a new baby and also try to hang onto the me that I am with my husband, his wife, his submissive, his little girl. I love our lifestyle together. I love that I'm getting back into my blogging and writing and getting to know others in the community again. I love getting myself back together, my focus, my body, my individuality. Yet it's a struggle sometimes with all that I am outside of those things to find that perfect balance of who I am as an individual, a wife, a submissive and a mother. I know we've all been there and we all know what that struggle is like. And really, I wouldn't have it any other way. My hands are full but I'd rather have them full than empty! And in spite of all the demands I am keeping up and have found renewed strength as I've embarked upon all that is required of me.
Now as we re- embrace the full practice of our dynamic and I try to juggle all of my roles, I find that I am not where I was in my submission to J. I have found that I was much more devoted to him before and much more willing to acquiesce to his wishes and authority. I've even found myself snapping at him much more regularly which of course results in me going over his lap, sometimes daily, even more than once a day!
I'm sure hormones and just plain business are at work here but my focus lately as his submissive needs to be to improve in my submission to him.
So here is how last night went...
I sat in the living room with our children trying to calm them all down for the evening with a game of I Spy. During the game J reprimanded one of our children to which my mama bear reared her head at him...not good. Unacceptable, not allowed, especially in front of our children is it for me to have an attitude with him.
Anyhow as I worked in the kitchen later cleaning up the dinner dishes he came up behind me and gave me a hug. I turned around and snuggled into his embrace and we talked softly together. I apologized for snapping at him earlier to which he replied, "I can't let you get away with that. But it'll be okay."
My heart soared, "So I'm not in trouble," I asked hopefully.
He looked at me. "You are in trouble. But you can take it."
My heart sunk. This has been happening almost daily.
There was still much to do. I cleaned up the kitchen and took dinner out for the next night, tended to the baby and read stories to our older children while J took care of showers and baths and got kids dressed and teeth brushed for bed.
Later as I sat with my tablet responding to emails, the time was getting later and I almost thought I was in the clear when he called me to him.
"Yeah?" I called trying to sound innocent.
Darn! The man hadn't forgotten.
I went down to the "dungeon" to him. I have labeled our basement this because I hate when he spanks me down there, although with a baby in our room we don't really have much of a choice.
When I got to him he hugged me and I unsuccessfully tried to distract him with my chatter. He kept me in his embrace while simultaneously tugging down the pants and then the panties followed.
And then he took out the wand, our silent implement that hurts like a mother but doesn't make any noise when used, except from the sub!
He sat and put me over his lap and wasted no time in beginning and I gasped, digging my feet into the carpet to try and take it without moving. He lectured as he continuously brought the wand down hard. I don't remember much of what he said but I do remember this...
"You will not speak to me like that. Do you understand me?"
I nodded into the couch with hands over my face, gasping and digging my feet into the floor. He paused a moment seemingly waiting for the "Yes Sir, Yes Daddy" that I couldn't speak. I know he wants me to get to the place where I can say this during the punishment.
As he continued I felt my body try to relax and lay over his lap without being rigid. As I did this I found that the spanking seemed easier to take. It still hurt like anything but the act of trying to submit physically and absorb it rather than fight it with being tense seemed to help.
When he finished he sat me up and held me and spoke softly to me and I nodded in response to him in his chest. I have to say I think it broke down some barrier that I had up as I feel much more connected to him today than I have in quite a while as I've struggled submitting. He mentioned feeling that we should begin maintenance sessions during our check ins each morning in order to get me in the head space to submit throughout the day which would hopefully cut down on the punishment spanks he's doling out. We used to use this method before and though it means a tender backside nearly every day at least its not as hard as the punishments are.
So once we were rekindled and in a good place again I could tell he was a bit (eh hem) needy and so I took care of the man like a good little sub.
And then we enjoyed our in- home date night catching up on Outlander with some rum and coke and a good snuggle. We actually had NO interruptions which was totes amazing!
Well that's the scoop here! Wish me luck as I try to stay out of trouble this next week as homeschool starts up and we adjust to our fall routine.
Hope you all take good care and thanks for stopping by!