Sunday, September 24, 2017

To Be Thankful...

Good Afternoon! I hope everyone is doing well...

It's been an exhausting week as I've been juggling caring for our baby, schooling our children, and now waking up extra early to get my writing time in before the kids get up for the day. By the end of the day I'm bushed and it seems to be carrying on through the weekend as I've been feeling constantly sleepy even though the baby has been sleeping better and I have J's help at night.

It's also been an emotional week as I've been following the storms that have been emerging all over the place and praying for the families affected by them.

My oldest girl has been learning a poem for the past two weeks that she is now able to recite. It is called a Thank you prayer. This is a shortened version of it...
So as I rushed about the kitchen making breakfast Saturday morning I overheard my darling children bickering among themselves and I called a time out and pulled out this poem and asked them if they really understood what it means. I told them to remember the families we've been praying for. Some people are waking up and just hoping to find their families today. Some people are waking up and they've lost everything. You are sitting here with your family, in your home. Everything is cozy. You have food and clothes, your toys, your family and friends. Some people had this yesterday but now today it is gone.

I watched their faces. Each of them sat in silence, no longer focused on breakfast. My husband listened supportively as he watched me teach our children.

My oldest girl grew very concerned and I could see the wheels turning in her mind. I have noted that she is prone to anxiety as I am. I can tell by her habits, her observations, and the way she takes things to heart. She asked me, wanting reassurance, if something like this would ever happen to us. I told her I don't know, but if it ever did, at least we should know that we loved each other the right way and have that to hang on to....

It made me wonder about myself...
I think I've been struggling lately to truly feel thankful. So much has changed over the past year and we are all so busy. I am constantly either being pulled in several directions or just plain exhausted. Yet I still try to hold onto everything because it's all so important to me. I want to write, I want to school my children, I want to spend time with my kids, my hubby, my friends, my family and I try to hold onto it all. Likewise my husband is pulled in many directions himself. All day long he works and then comes home to errands and chores and child responsibilities. By the time we get any time alone together we are both exhausted but we try to make it work anyway... and then the baby cries, or one of our children can't sleep...and it affects our practices.

So, I too am struggling with thankfulness at the moment although I wish I could say this weren't so. I feel selfish and immature for how I feel but so much of how J and I relate to each other  is wrapped up in our dynamic that to be experiencing a lull is very difficult for me, and for J too.

He has expressed the same frustrations that I have although in a dominant sense. He has the need to fix what is broken. If I am going off the rails it is as if to him I am broken in a sense and he has an internal need to fix it through how we practice to get us back on an even keel. When things are left undone we experience distance in our relationship and it hurts us both. He is often quick to come and talk with me or mete out consequences after an infraction just so we can get back on the same page that much sooner.

He said he wanted to try to manage for us to get away, just the two of us, even if just to a hotel for a bit so we could have some uninterrupted alone time. I would love that but I don't know how it would  be possible with our large family and a baby that is so new.

I'm afraid I sound like I'm complaining. I'm really not. I love our life, our family. I love that we have so many children to love and all these wonderful responsibilities. I just feel tired and I just miss my J and our time together. I miss how smoothly our dynamic had operated in the past and how we had more time for it before all this. It takes so much effort now and we are just so worn out most days.

On another note, just a little something funny to share with you. J and I did get to have one of our "in- home" dates last night... and thank goodness because it had been a while. So just as things were kicking up for us and we were getting all hot and bothered J went into our little "toy box" to pull out something we like to use once in a while. The toy box I am referring to is really just his underwear drawer. Well lo and behold we go to turn the thing on and nothing happens. He turns the knob every which way and discovers there are no batteries in it. Turns out he had needed a battery for the wall clock in our bedroom (our son has a thing for clocks and goes a little coo coo if one stops working) and out of desperation took the battery out of our toy and put it into the clock! So now we're both hysterical with laughter and I'm like "Fuck the clock!"
Now the whole time we were going at it I'm laughing because all I can think of is ....

Ah, good times. Hey if you leave a comment, bonus prizes to anyone who can think of a naughty version for this sweet little nursery ditty!

*wink, wink*

I hope everyone stays safe and has a blessed week. And I will do my part over here and hope you all will too to be thankful!



1 comment:

  1. Hi Jlynne, what a wonderful poem. Life can get so busy and overwhelming at times and everything is relative. We often don't take time to step back and think about the things we have to be thankful for.

    Glad you were able to have some time to reconnect. You made me laugh with the clock story lol. Hmm, I sure I can think of an alternative version of Hickory Dickory, just not sure how printable it would be lol.