I wasn't going to post today because I had written a post earlier in the week but something has come up and J sort of prompted me to do this.
Yesterday I got upset with J. Our day started like a typical Saturday, J went out grocery shopping and I corralled the kids and got them ready for the day, we cleaned and stripped beds and got all our household chores done. After lunch when things had settled down and the kids were out playing I went into the kitchen to wash up and make some bottles for the baby when one of my children came in to report that our pre-k child had bit her. We have been having a lot of trouble with this particular child and I'm sure it's her age but we have had to come down a bit harder on her lately. So anyhow I went outside and collected her and sent her on to her room. I told J what happened and he went up to deal with her. Rather than going into the whole story here suffice it to say that J dealt with her and then had her come down and apologize and I felt he was being a bit too hard on her when he chided her for not apologizing verbally and giving hugs instead. He did not. He had his reasons for wanting her to apologize correctly and I didn't submit.
So I titled this post Bad Girl not for the wee one but for the mama in this story. *sigh...
I got upset with J and jumped in and gave him a piece of my mind, in front of the kids and all. I was not submissive. I prattled on and on and he sat and stared at me and listened until he'd had enough. He got up growled at me a bit and then went on his way down stairs to cool off.
I got up and began tending to our children. I was pumped and angry. A couple of the kids were hungry so I got up to get them food and the baby also needed a bottle so one of my older children began to feed her. I could have left things alone but I did not. I went down stairs, the dungeon, and hollered from halfway down that I needed J's help . I said a few other choice things before coming up the stairs and when he cornered me in the kitchen he spoke to me quietly and sharply and I mouthed off some more. He prohibited me from doing the shopping I had planned for that day because I was relentless with my attitude towards him. Eventually he swatted me, something he usually doesn't do out in the open and went off to tend to the baby while I prepared food for the kids that were hungry.
So, why am I telling you this? Well, J feels that I don't give my readers an accurate description of the way I can be when I'm not submissive. He is unhappy with the way my submission has been and wants it to improve. I understand and agree with him. He works hard for us, he is a good husband and father, he even brought me flowers this week for no reason other than to show his love for me and I still am struggling to submit to him. Oh, I do well when things are going just fine. But when I'm irritated, tired or stressed sometimes I just don't submit well.
When we had time to deal with things J escorted me down to the "dungeon" and proceeded to lecture me about the days happenings. When I went to explain my side he listened for a bit and then hushed me and told me it was his turn to talk. He said he was displeased with me and that lately I haven't been submitting the way he wants me to. True submission is submitting when it's not easy, when it doesn't feel good, when I haven't got my way. He told me spanking me wasn't helping for situations like this and he honestly didn't want to deal with it right then. So he sent me to bed early. No date night, no Daddy time, no cuddles. Bed.
So I went. I was sad but I was also content knowing he wouldn't put up with the way I acted. Weird? Maybe. It's not like I wanted to go to bed. I didn't. But a part of me needed to know he wouldn't let me be a loose canon with him.
So, I still have a lot of work to do in the area of submission. J wanted me to let you all know what things can be like when I'm not so submissive. He wanted me to give an accurate account of what it can be like when I'm not doing well. He wants me to be authentic and honest about these accounts and not just when things are great. So unfortunately that is what I had to report about yesterday.
Today we have plans with family and then perhaps the shopping that I was suppose to do.
So until next time, I wish you all a good rest of your weekend and a good week ahead.