Sunday, December 31, 2017

When I Began This Blog...




When I began this blog it was because I wanted to document my journey practicing DD with my husband.
When I began this blog it was because I wanted to be able to go back in time one day and see how far we've come. My interest was not in numbers, nor in comments, I honestly didn't expect much. Although it was nice to get comments and support from other like- minded people, it was not my sole reason for beginning this.

When I began this blog I didn't see DD as a game. Submission was not something I wanted to play at but to embrace with an open heart and a disciplined mind. When I began I was not out to entertain but to share, the hurt/ tears and victories that come with any relationship, yet with DD  being the common denominator.

When I began this blog I did not know that there are very different views on submission even within our "like-minded" community and that my expression of submission to my husband could be judged by the very ones I thought felt like myself.
When I began this blog I didn't know that I could be disrespected by those same people, my voice taken away, made insignificant, and my presence ignored.

When I began this blog I did not see that line drawn in the sand between those of us that seek "this thing" as a lifestyle choice and those of us who embrace an equally  beautiful expression  of  submission for sexual communion with the one they love. I see the lines now and I am disappointed. I cannot lie about who I am and I can not protect myself from your judgement other than to feel like I need to close myself off- this I am not willing to do.

When I began this blog I felt free to express myself and love others that I came across. I didn't realize that this embrace would not be returned by some. I thought the only danger posed was from those who do not understand this- and I realize now that I was naive.

What I wish to convey through my blog is that my husband is my best friend. It is possible to have this with someone even though we chose to recognize that our roles are not equal. We acknowledge and believe that we are equal in worth yet our functions are different.

What I wish to convey is that I will not be silenced. I will continue to support those that are like myself in this community and in return be supported. I will share the truth about how things are- good or bad- pretty or ugly and let you cry on my shoulder as I cry on yours. I will be a friend worth having and celebrate victories with one while comforting the hurting of another. I will look up to those who have come before and revere their words and experiences and become a guide for those who will come after me.

What I wish to convey is that I have never felt as free as I do when my husband shows his love for me through his leadership and I kneel before him to respect his place as my leader. This lifestyle is not all sad and we are not all miserable. There is great freedom found in "letting go" and trusting the one put by your side to guide you and walk through this life with you. There is great freedom in being held accountable in the areas I fail and feeling the clean slate after to go out and try again. There is great freedom in acknowledging that I am not my husbands authority but that he answers to God and with God's help he then leads me.

What I wish to convey is that I am sorry there are some who can not find it in themselves to respect my lifestyle choice as I do theirs. I am sorry there are some that can't forgive or at least be big enough to address an issue they have with another and not leave them hanging. I am sorry that some feel it's okay to hurt another by taking away their voice or in other instances simply not responding and treating another human being as if they don't matter. Even if all you have to say is goodbye, say it, let the other person move on.

I have been hurt here in blog land... but I have also found acceptance from a few. I will continue to pour out my heart and hope that those that are sincere will reach out. I will no longer be silenced in fear of what others may think but I will say what needs to be said. I am here for me, for my marriage, for my family, for you if you wish to follow my journey and in turn find support. I will no longer worry about that which I cannot control.

That being said, have a Happy New Year, each one of you that I have come to know and those of you that I will meet down the line. I hope this year treats you kind and may you find your way and be true to yourself in whatever that path may be.

Here's to the journey!

Jlynne

18 comments:

  1. You know when we have 'arguments/fights' with our significant other after starting ttwd, it seems to hurt so much more than before? It is like a betrayal to the process in a way. Well being hurt, dismissed, silenced by others in this community is as equally damaging. This is supposed to be our safe haven! Unfortunately there are all walks of people in blogland (and fortunately) just as the outside world.

    You know a bit of my story- it took me a long time to recover, and I will admit even though I put on a brave face there are still many areas of blogland where I don't comment out of fear- real or imagined it doesn't matter. A cut may heal but the scar is visible for a long time.

    That being said, I am glad I didn't disappear a couple of years ago. I shed the unhealthy friendships, and decided to look at them as unhealthy exboyfriends- not for me, but perhaps for someone else. Not everyone is going to mesh with each other.

    I learned that just because we have a common foundation in our dynamics doesn't mean we are going to be life long friends. Perhaps those people were there for the moment when we needed them, or them us, and our use for each other wore out? Regardless, I have made new friends and acquaintances and have learned to cultivate and cherish the ones that have 'stuck' more because I know they are indeed special.

    I congratulate you on pushing on, past your fears and self doubt to continue blogging. I know first hand it isn't easy- often there is a little insecurity bug nattering in your ear. Over time it will get easier, trust me. I still believe the good far outweighs the difficulties with blogging. So keep it real, warts and all and it will offer you the support you require.

    Happy New Year, and I look forward to sharing your adventure!

    willie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Willie,
      I appreciate your insight. Thank you for your encouragement and support. It's unfortunate that things are this way but isn't all of life, as you said.
      I am happy to push through and keep going and excited for what this new year will bring.Thank you for being a part of my journey and for sharing yours with me also!

      Delete
  2. I hear you.
    I`ve been blogging for a (stupidly long time) bit and I overshare like crazy coz my blog is *my* place. The thing about putting yourself out there, is being open to it all coming at you and it can hurt. Hurt is real. We are people behind our blogs, we are more complex than what we even overshare through our screens. Hold on to those who support your voice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you BD. That's a good way to look at it. It is hard when we put ourselves out there. Not only are we open to the support that we need but we are vulnerable to scorn as well. Thank you for stopping by and reaching out to the person behind this screen.

      Delete
  3. Jlynne,
    I have never read your blog and honestly this is the only post I have read (so far). I started my blog for the same reasons you also did. It was honestly for me a way to vent, a way to look back on how we have grown or maybe not grown. lol I do not have my blog for numbers, followers, etc. I do appreciate the support I have received.I maybe have had 5 readers. That makes no difference to me, this was for us & myself. I am sorry you have felt disrespected or ignored. We do not do our DD/Ds like anyone else nor do we care to. If there is a "rule book" or guidelines or a How to for DD, I haven't read it. I am happy to hear you will not be silenced & have chosen to continue to be a member of the community. I look forward to reading your blog. Happy New Year! Cheers to YOUR Journey, it should be like no others!
    honey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello honey,
      Im so glad you stopped by. Thank you for your encouragement. I find that many of us start our blogs for these reasons. Dd is definately not a "one size fits all" lifestyle as you have said. Each couple finds their own way and makes it their own way. To make comments about what is right or wrong is just so hurtful and unneccessary to the couple trying to make their way. We need support to have a lifestyle that deviates from the "norm" in our society and unfortunately finding that support leaves us open to ridicule. Thank you again for your support of my journey. I look forward to getting to know you in the New Year.

      Delete
  4. Hi Jlynne, I am so sorry you have been ignored and disrespected. It hurts, we put ourselves, our feelings, all of it out there on our blogs. There is no 'right' way or rule book. Each couple is unique and finds their own way. Our differences should be respected.

    I'm so glad you are going to continue to share here. Wishing you all a very Happy New Year. I hope it is full of health, happiness, love and laughter.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Roz for all the encouragement and support you've shown to me. Happy New Year to you and Rick!

      Delete
  5. Many blessings for the new year, Jlynne. Keep hanging in there. Each of us has our own way of doing dd. That's the beauty of it.
    --Baker

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true Baker. Thank you for your encouragement. Happy New Year to your family!

      Delete
  6. Hi Jlynne...a friend send me over. There are lots of different views AND lots of different opinions, some of which can be rather fiercely but naively held. You will find over time that the lines will become distinct for a while and then they will blur again on you as you grow into new stages of TTWD. My husband and I are in our 8th year of this and I only blogged actively for the first four, but in a lot a ways you have to take the good and literally let the rest roll off your back. You and your husband know why you are on this road and I think you'll find that you'll grow close to a select few out here in the blogging community. What those people think matters. The rest is all just noise. Keep writing as you want and need to. Watch out for those few who you really want to engage with and don't let the rest discourage you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. That is very good advice Susie. Thank you for coming by and offering your wisdom!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Happy New Year, Jlynne:
    It's too bad you had some unkind responses to sharing your life with rest of the world but sometimes it is the negative that brings out the more positive and understanding of us. This little event could in turn grant you a following of truly like minded. Keep writing and keep living the life that works best for you and your husband.
    Amy

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sorry to hear you are feeling this way Jlynne. As someone above said there is no right or wrong way of doing DD. It is yours and your husbands version and what works for you. Ignore people if they are telling you how you should follow their way. Hang in there.
    Happy New Year
    hugs Lindy xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Lindy! I'm sorry I didn't see your comment before.
      Happy New Year to you as well!

      Delete
  10. Thank you Amy. That's a great way to think about it. Happy New Year to you as well.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Well, I am glad you commented on my blog and I found my way here. I am sorry that your interactions have not all bee positive, but you have received excellent advice in the above responses about that. I value my blog as a place I can share my true self,and for the most part have found acceptance...keep at it, the nay sayers will move on, and the rest of us will be here cheering you on. hugs abby...By the way, love this post, very well written!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Abby just seeing this now. For some reason nlogger didn't notify me of your comment. I'm so glad ypu found your way here after I found you, lol. Thank you so much for your encouragement and for the compliment! I am enjoying your blogs as well!

    Jlynne

    ReplyDelete