Sunday, December 31, 2017
When I Began This Blog...
When I began this blog it was because I wanted to document my journey practicing DD with my husband.
When I began this blog it was because I wanted to be able to go back in time one day and see how far we've come. My interest was not in numbers, nor in comments, I honestly didn't expect much. Although it was nice to get comments and support from other like- minded people, it was not my sole reason for beginning this.
When I began this blog I didn't see DD as a game. Submission was not something I wanted to play at but to embrace with an open heart and a disciplined mind. When I began I was not out to entertain but to share, the hurt/ tears and victories that come with any relationship, yet with DD being the common denominator.
When I began this blog I did not know that there are very different views on submission even within our "like-minded" community and that my expression of submission to my husband could be judged by the very ones I thought felt like myself.
When I began this blog I didn't know that I could be disrespected by those same people, my voice taken away, made insignificant, and my presence ignored.
When I began this blog I did not see that line drawn in the sand between those of us that seek "this thing" as a lifestyle choice and those of us who embrace an equally beautiful expression of submission for sexual communion with the one they love. I see the lines now and I am disappointed. I cannot lie about who I am and I can not protect myself from your judgement other than to feel like I need to close myself off- this I am not willing to do.
When I began this blog I felt free to express myself and love others that I came across. I didn't realize that this embrace would not be returned by some. I thought the only danger posed was from those who do not understand this- and I realize now that I was naive.
What I wish to convey through my blog is that my husband is my best friend. It is possible to have this with someone even though we chose to recognize that our roles are not equal. We acknowledge and believe that we are equal in worth yet our functions are different.
What I wish to convey is that I will not be silenced. I will continue to support those that are like myself in this community and in return be supported. I will share the truth about how things are- good or bad- pretty or ugly and let you cry on my shoulder as I cry on yours. I will be a friend worth having and celebrate victories with one while comforting the hurting of another. I will look up to those who have come before and revere their words and experiences and become a guide for those who will come after me.
What I wish to convey is that I have never felt as free as I do when my husband shows his love for me through his leadership and I kneel before him to respect his place as my leader. This lifestyle is not all sad and we are not all miserable. There is great freedom found in "letting go" and trusting the one put by your side to guide you and walk through this life with you. There is great freedom in being held accountable in the areas I fail and feeling the clean slate after to go out and try again. There is great freedom in acknowledging that I am not my husbands authority but that he answers to God and with God's help he then leads me.
What I wish to convey is that I am sorry there are some who can not find it in themselves to respect my lifestyle choice as I do theirs. I am sorry there are some that can't forgive or at least be big enough to address an issue they have with another and not leave them hanging. I am sorry that some feel it's okay to hurt another by taking away their voice or in other instances simply not responding and treating another human being as if they don't matter. Even if all you have to say is goodbye, say it, let the other person move on.
I have been hurt here in blog land... but I have also found acceptance from a few. I will continue to pour out my heart and hope that those that are sincere will reach out. I will no longer be silenced in fear of what others may think but I will say what needs to be said. I am here for me, for my marriage, for my family, for you if you wish to follow my journey and in turn find support. I will no longer worry about that which I cannot control.
That being said, have a Happy New Year, each one of you that I have come to know and those of you that I will meet down the line. I hope this year treats you kind and may you find your way and be true to yourself in whatever that path may be.
Here's to the journey!