Sunday, February 4, 2018

A quick update and some rambling thoughts... (FFF 1)

Hey everyone,

My FFF goals have gotten off to a slow start here. A few of us have been sick with fevers and J and I are bringing up the tail end of it. We seem to be on the mend though, thankfully.

So, my goal of exercising has gotten pushed out as I have not begun it yet. I honestly hate exercising although I know I need to do it. After reading Bleue's post though I felt so much better as she reminded us all of the importance of moving along and not getting hung up on our imperfections... so true!

As far as my carb intake, after a few days of resisting all carbs, J modified this rule because I literally had no energy. So we are back to the old rule of eating carbs at J's discretion and having him portion me when I eat them.

I've been really enjoying time with my kids lately. They recently introduced me to the movie "Boss Baby" and I swear it must have been written by a spanko.

My absolute favorite part...All I could think was, am I glad this has never happened during a spanking!


My oldest girl wrote her first book... squee.... proud mama here! I helped her put it together with pictures on powerpoint and it was so great to see her face light up as she saw her story come to life and proudly shared it with her daddy and siblings. She will be taking a story writing class at co- op this spring so I'm super excited to be fostering her love of writing. It's really inspiring me to carry on with my own writing goals as well which had been put on hold for a bit. Oh and I just love that some fellow bloggers have made goals around their writing projects as well!

I've been noticing lately that at times when I'm with my girls and I'm not stressed or on mommy alert that a part of me comes out that has been hidden for a while. Whether it's coloring with my preschooler or painting nails and doing hair with my oldest girls, the adult begins to drift and the child- like girl in me comes out to play.


I feel so at peace and content when I feel her emerge and aside from being submissive to J I feel happiest when my "little girl" is out. There are times even that she appears when I am with him- like when we are on a date, when he gives me a gift, or even when he spanks me for misbehaving- and only when it's especially emotional for me. I also feel her come out when I am very sad or afraid and  need to be protected.

The knowledge of her has left me a bit confused. When I regress like this... my relationship with J almost feels a bit dd/lg but without the ageplay (which I am not into).


I feel comforted by calling him Daddy and he prefers it. He is dominant in our relationship but there is a very nurturing quality to how he Doms me which is different than the qualities of a traditional Dom.

 I like to be cuddled and love when he runs his hands through my hair. I love when he surprises me with something and get all girly when he does. I love when he holds me to him on his lap and rocks me gently. All these things make that little girl appear. You can see her by the gleam in my eye and by the coy/ shy smile that often follows.

 I remember times earlier in our marriage, before we entered into this way of life, that I would have nightmares (I frequently do whenever I'm troubled by something) and I would wake with my heart pounding in my chest. J would walk me to the bathroom so I wouldn't have to go alone in the dark and if I was really unsettled he would hold me to him and rock me in the bed until my fears succumbed to sleep and then tuck me in again.

So I've been thinking on it a lot lately and how this defines our lifestyle. We don't seem to be the traditional type D/s but we are not totally dd/lg either. I know in this lifestyle we make it our own and adapt different parts of it as we see fitting so I'm trying not to get too caught up in labeling us but it does comfort me to understand the why and the who behind what we are and do. Does that make sense?

Anyhow I've been quiet lately mostly because I've been trying to figure out where we fit and so that is where I'm at currently in my ponderings.

Whatever it is though we're on to something beautiful. I have never been so content as I am nor have  we ever had as much harmony as we do now. I'm just grateful that J is on this journey with me and that we've found what works for us.

Good luck to all the FFF participants. I'm trying to keep up with all of you and cheer you on. Some of you I don't know but am looking forward to becoming acquainted and would love if you would leave a comment and say hello. I will make sure to visit your blog as well!

Hugs,

Jlynne


17 comments:

  1. You know what, Jlynne, about 75% of what you say could have come from my pen as well. I grew up way too fast. I had to help raise my sibling as of age nine and was the financial support for our family by 14. When Eric and I discovered each other and he took the time to truly get to know me, he found a way to let that little girl who never got to play before, emerge. We are not at all a Dd/Lg relationship but he loves the young, playful, vulnerable, inquisitive childlike side of me. He too, holds me through my bouts of anxiety, eases my fears, tucks me in bed, and tells me stories. When he's home (he travels for work a ton), we also come back together after work with me on his lap chatting about the day. It just works. Enjoy your path. Mines been much better since I've quit wondering why and have just freely expressed all parts of me.
    Amy

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    1. Amy I love that you sit on his lap and chat after work... what a nice way to reunite and nurture each other.
      I wish it was easier for me to quite wondering why. Sometimes I feel less because of my needs and then the 'why' helps.
      Thank you for the comment:)

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  2. I don't think I could manage going carb free. So I am just trying to work out more, and watch what I eat, calorie wise. I'm trying for more protein, but that's about it.

    Just like with your D/s, your fitness is individual: do what works for you!

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    1. Lea,
      Welcome and thanks for commenting!
      Going carb- free used to be easier for me. Now for some reason it is making me feel burnt out. I still want to try to go as 'carb-free' as I can though.
      Thank you for the advice- very true!

      Hugs,
      Jlynne

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  3. Jlynne cutting out carbs would be really hard. I've just reduced the amount of everything I eat, not cut out groups of any particular food. Otherwise I tend to crave it and then fail. Hope everyone is better in your family now. No good when everyone is sick.
    Congratulations to your daughter for writing a book, that's really awesome.
    Love the fact you have found your little girl side. We all need to let our inner child out to play occasionally. Well done!
    Good luck on your FFF challenge.
    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. Hi Lindy,
      Thanks for the comment. We're much better now. And thank you! She is working on writing more books... she's 7 so they are all about cute things like animals.
      Thank you for the encouragement and yes I agree.
      Good luck to you as well.
      Hugs,
      Jlynne

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  4. first, thanks for the post for FFF> i'll link you. second i don't think ageplay has to be a prerequisite for dd/lg. so it is perfectly ok to use that label if you like, so long as you 'feel' little around him.

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    1. I've heard that so good to know!!
      I do at times but not always. When I do I typically either need more cuddles and "daddy time" or I'm just really happy and 'girly'.
      Thanks for the comment fondles!

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  5. Lots of wonderful news in this post...I love that your daughter is excited about writing her own book..Hurrah. You have discovered that the best way to do TTWD....is whatever works for the two of you...and sounds like you have found that. Labels are not necessary...
    I also am in the I need my carbs club, so I just generally watch what I am eating, and limit myself on sweet treats.
    Have a good week..hugs abby

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    1. Thanks Abby.
      Sigh... Idk about the carbs. I used to do ok without them - now lately I feel low on energy. We'll see how it goes.
      Have a great week.
      Jlynne

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  6. Hi Jlynne,

    Sorry to hear you have been under the weather and glad you are feeling better. Love the clip lol and congratulations to your daughter on her book. That is awesome :)

    I too have a 'little' who surfaces from time to time so can totally relate. Even though we haven't practiced ttwd for some time now, Rick was Daddy. We didn't have a dd/lg dynamic as such either but we used the terms which was a great way to remind us of our roles. I still call him Daddy.

    I'm glad you have found what works for you. Ttwd is different for every couple.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz,
      Aww I didn't know- thanks for sharing. Nice to know you still have this even though you don't practice ttwd currently.

      Hugs,
      Jlynne

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    2. And I agree it does help remind us of our roles!

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  7. Over the past couple of years I have been the sounding board for a youth who is trying to define their sexuality. They seemed a bit, not obsessed, but preoccupied maybe with labeling themselves. Recently I was at an LGBTQTT+ (Gosh I hope I have the most recent alphabet up there) Alliance Meeting and we were discussing labels. It occurred to me after talking to many in the Gay Community who were older, how it seems like we tend to need labels when we are young (or new) to feel a sense of belonging, and acceptance- particularly if we don't feel the acceptance from ourselves. As we mature, we realize the importance of labels for categories and finding like minded people, but the labels are more broad and are less limiting than they were when we first start discovering ourselves. Perhaps because we have become more comfortable in our own skin, we accept ourselves and no longer require a label to define who we are on a personal level?

    I too enjoy youthful activities. I find colouring very relaxing- as does a great majority of the adult population considering the boom in the colour book section of the book store. I also enjoy the tenderness that comes from B in our relationship/dynamic. I enjoy feeling unguarded and soft for him and for me. Though I wouldn't say we have a little dynamic. For myself, I feel my softness and freedom is similar to when I was more carefree as a girl but that is because I have let go of past hurts and try not to be jaded much like I was back then.

    willie

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    1. Hi willie,
      Yes I'm sure that's part of it. i want to figure out where we fit. I think we are a mixture of DD, Ddlg, and D/s- but it sounds like that could be said of most of us. This is not a cookie- cutter dynamic.
      Thanks for sharing your experience.
      Hugs,
      Jlynne

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  8. Jlynne,

    Seriously hard when you're sick. I love hearing about the balance you have struck between being mama and D/s...I'm still working on that.
    Carb withdrawl is a real thing. And yes, it is helpful to know where your dynamic comes from but it is uniquely yours.

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    1. Thanks Bleue,
      It takes time but it will happen. The right balance will work itself out.
      Thanks for the advice!
      Jlynne

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