My FFF goals have gotten off to a slow start here. A few of us have been sick with fevers and J and I are bringing up the tail end of it. We seem to be on the mend though, thankfully.
So, my goal of exercising has gotten pushed out as I have not begun it yet. I honestly hate exercising although I know I need to do it. After reading Bleue's post though I felt so much better as she reminded us all of the importance of moving along and not getting hung up on our imperfections... so true!
As far as my carb intake, after a few days of resisting all carbs, J modified this rule because I literally had no energy. So we are back to the old rule of eating carbs at J's discretion and having him portion me when I eat them.
I've been really enjoying time with my kids lately. They recently introduced me to the movie "Boss Baby" and I swear it must have been written by a spanko.
My oldest girl wrote her first book... squee.... proud mama here! I helped her put it together with pictures on powerpoint and it was so great to see her face light up as she saw her story come to life and proudly shared it with her daddy and siblings. She will be taking a story writing class at co- op this spring so I'm super excited to be fostering her love of writing. It's really inspiring me to carry on with my own writing goals as well which had been put on hold for a bit. Oh and I just love that some fellow bloggers have made goals around their writing projects as well!
I've been noticing lately that at times when I'm with my girls and I'm not stressed or on mommy alert that a part of me comes out that has been hidden for a while. Whether it's coloring with my preschooler or painting nails and doing hair with my oldest girls, the adult begins to drift and the child- like girl in me comes out to play.
I feel so at peace and content when I feel her emerge and aside from being submissive to J I feel happiest when my "little girl" is out. There are times even that she appears when I am with him- like when we are on a date, when he gives me a gift, or even when he spanks me for misbehaving- and only when it's especially emotional for me. I also feel her come out when I am very sad or afraid and need to be protected.
The knowledge of her has left me a bit confused. When I regress like this... my relationship with J almost feels a bit dd/lg but without the ageplay (which I am not into).
I feel comforted by calling him Daddy and he prefers it. He is dominant in our relationship but there is a very nurturing quality to how he Doms me which is different than the qualities of a traditional Dom.
I like to be cuddled and love when he runs his hands through my hair. I love when he surprises me with something and get all girly when he does. I love when he holds me to him on his lap and rocks me gently. All these things make that little girl appear. You can see her by the gleam in my eye and by the coy/ shy smile that often follows.
I remember times earlier in our marriage, before we entered into this way of life, that I would have nightmares (I frequently do whenever I'm troubled by something) and I would wake with my heart pounding in my chest. J would walk me to the bathroom so I wouldn't have to go alone in the dark and if I was really unsettled he would hold me to him and rock me in the bed until my fears succumbed to sleep and then tuck me in again.
So I've been thinking on it a lot lately and how this defines our lifestyle. We don't seem to be the traditional type D/s but we are not totally dd/lg either. I know in this lifestyle we make it our own and adapt different parts of it as we see fitting so I'm trying not to get too caught up in labeling us but it does comfort me to understand the why and the who behind what we are and do. Does that make sense?
Anyhow I've been quiet lately mostly because I've been trying to figure out where we fit and so that is where I'm at currently in my ponderings.
Whatever it is though we're on to something beautiful. I have never been so content as I am nor have we ever had as much harmony as we do now. I'm just grateful that J is on this journey with me and that we've found what works for us.
Good luck to all the FFF participants. I'm trying to keep up with all of you and cheer you on. Some of you I don't know but am looking forward to becoming acquainted and would love if you would leave a comment and say hello. I will make sure to visit your blog as well!