There also seemed to be some concern that perhaps our dynamic wasn't doing well or perhaps I wasn't doing well and I just wanted to put those concerns to rest. Things are very much good and well here and I personally am doing well though I did need a break there for a bit. The start of our spring semester here with school and all of the groups I'd joined just took a lot out of me- in a good way- but nevertheless I needed space to unwind from it all for a bit.
I've been focusing a lot lately on the effects of positive thinking and how our choices create positive or negative energy in our environments. I am currently reading this book during my morning reflections...
Now I use to consider myself a religious person and I still do in some ways but I have found a shift happening lately in my world view as I ponder and become more educated on other schools of thought. My worldview has taken a turn to a more spiritual outlook which includes religious belief but is not limited to it and I am beginning to see how it all connects.
The reflections in this book are thought provoking and provide a helpful guide to help connect the soul to self. The first meditation covers the practice of gratitude. As I ponder the ways in which I am grateful I am floored by how good J is to me. He provides me with so much to help me to grow and thrive in all the ways that matter to me and asks very little in return. My happiness and wholeness as a person is what is important to him.
These are some of the examples in just the past couple of weeks ...I had trouble with my writing project and he provided me with a writing app to help me collaborate all of my writing tasks in one place for motivation. I needed help getting motivated to work out and he provided me with exercise equipment so I can work out here at home. He's purchased meditational books and journals for me to use in the morning for my quiet reflections. Yesterday he allowed me to go to the salon to get my nails done and instructed a french manicure to be done. I will be traveling this week- I have family that need a helping hand and wanted for nothing other than to go down to see them but he approached me a few days ago and suggested I take some 'walking around money' to use as needed. I am floored and humbled by his hospitality and selflessness as he cares for me and I take notice, purposefully. If I have a migraine (like last night during our date) and meds just aren't cutting it he twists my hair the full couple of hours we watch our movie just so I can stay up with him and enjoy it.
He is always grabbing me for a hug, coming up behind me and smacking my ass, stealing a kiss before he heads out or even...leaves the room, telling me he loves me and I am his good girl. He is a constant source of love and strength in my life. I want to focus on being the best I can be for him.
My next reflection of gratitude is on my kids- gosh I never thought I would have so many of them! They have such a huge role to play in making me who I am today. Each and every one of them have a special place in my heart and I don't know who I would be without them. So much of who I am and what I do is because of them. There was once a time when I didn't think I wanted children and it's almost frightening to think about all that I would have missed out on.
My other reflections were on our home and the constant and steady provision of my husband to make our home comfortable and our needs met. He works hard for us so that we have what we need and I am able to stay home with my babies and hold up the fort on the home front. To be lucky enough to have these children is amazing and the fact that I am able to be with them each and every day and do life with them in this way is a truly a dream come true!
So as I ponder all this I know I am truly blessed and I am grateful for the life I have and for all that has been given to me.
I am grateful for a place I can share parts of my life that may not be understood by the mainstream of society. I am grateful for the friends in my life that do life with me on a more personal level. I am grateful to have a husband who understands and embraces my needs and a family system put in place that works so well for us and creates such harmony.
One thing I know I have to be careful with though is- I adore my husband- like to the point where I have to be careful to keep it in it's proper place. I could easily slip into idolatry and worship my love for him. He thrills me. Seeing him come home and grin at me and the way his eyes glow.. or hearing him whistle while he works, seeing his hair ruffled and his casual smile inside his beard....swoon!
Add to that a hearty smack on the ass from him and I'm hooked, lined and sunk!
He's only human but I am smitten with him and I love it that I am. There was a time when that didn't come easily for us.
Anyhow, hopefully God will forgive me for that one.
So as I said I will be traveling next week so I won't be posting for a bit but I hope you all have a good next couple of weeks. I will be in touch soon!